My name is Bella. Artist, Sometimes Writer, Feminist, Activist, Pro choice. My Fandoms are Supernatural, Avengers, Teen wolf, Doctor Who, Whedonverse among (many) others. I have a bad attitude, I love pop culture and I'm terrified of zombies, spiders and axe murderers.

I blog about a terrifying combination of those things.

Posts Tagged: abuse

spastasmagoria:

kittencreamery:

catladysoul:

tw: abuse

madonnax:

June 1987, Madonna was rushed to the Cedars Sinai hospital for an X-ray after her then-husbandSean Penn hit her across the head with a baseball bat. At the time, they had been having a heart-to-heart talk about reconciling.

Madonna did not make an official complaint because Penn was about to serve a short jail term for attacking a film extra and violating the probation he’d been given for punching a fan. It was a decision she would come to regret. In the late afternoon of December 28, 1988, Penn scaled the wall surrounding the Malibu house and found Madonna alone in the master bedroom.

According to a report filed by Madonna with the Malibu sheriff’s office, the two began to quarrel. Penn told her he owned her “lock, stock and barrel”. When she told him she was leaving the house, he tried to bind her hands with an electric cord. Screaming and afraid, Madonna fled from the bedroom. Penn chased her into the living room, caught her and bound her to a chair with heavy twine. Then he threatened to shave her hair. Penn was “drinking liquor straight from the bottle” and the abuse went on for nine hours, during which he smacked and forced Madonna to perform a “degrading sex act” on him.

He went out to buy more alcohol, leaving Madonna bound and gagged. Some hours later, he returned and continued his attacks, then finally untied her. Madonna then fled the house and ran to her car. Penn ran after her and was banging on the windows of her Thunderbird while she spoke to police on her mobile phone. Fifteen minutes later, she staggered into the sheriff’s office.

Because you need to know. 

what a fucking stellar human being.

(via cunningcunt)

Source: madonnax

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queasyfemmeproblems:

A lot of talk about “mutual abuse” has been flying around my dash recently to describe relationships where “both parties fucked up.” And I’m uncomfortable with it.

You guys, I have seen first-hand a good number of relationships described as “mutually abusive” by victims, bystanders, and (most especially) perpetrators. But I have never seen first-hand a relationship that could actually, fairly be described as “mutually abusive.” The only thing that MIGHT even comes close to what I would envision a truly mutually abusive relationship looking like might be what happens between Jamie and Twiggy as described here. But again, I don’t know for sure and it’s certainly not my place to say.

If mutually abusive relationships do exist, it’s clear to me that they are a small minority of the abusive relationships that get classed initially as “mutual.” Overwhelmingly, accusations of “mutual abuse” are leveraged by abusers against survivors as a way of obfuscating power dynamics, psychologically harming the survivor and controlling their sense of reality (gaslighting), and chocking the survivor off from community support and safety. Less commonplace—but still frequent—declarations of “mutual abuse” come from enablers who further the abuser’s pattern of psychological/emotional violence, bystanders who are profoundly confused, and survivors/victims who have internalized their abuser’s justifications, deflections, and need to establish dominance.

It’s been my observation that perpetrators and their sympathizers all make variations on just a few, tired arguments about how the abuse was “mutual.” As you read them, keep in mind how all of these tactics uphold a truly abusive and unsafe paradigm that gives the abuser power, minimizes the bigger picture, and robs the victim/survivor of agency. 

1. “But he had the nerve to *defend* himself!”

Read More

Source: poorlifechoicesblog

thisthat-and-liberalstuff:

socialistictendencies:

dadsgladtoday:

Father With Autistic Son Sends His Kid to School With a Wire, Exposes Bullying and Abuse by Teachers

equal treatment for people with disabilities is the one social issue i am really passionate about and man this…… i don’t even know man

this is just awful

Holy fucking hell

This. 

Is pretty damn fucking terrible. 

(via masenko-your-face)

Source: seemedfine

tyleroakley:

Before you defend Chris Brown, let alone support him, read the police report of what happened between him and Rihanna in 2009.

(via raspberryflavored)

Source: tyleroakley

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Source: shakespearessister.blogspot.com

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A judge in Florida has sentenced a man charged with domestic battery to take his wife, and victim, on a date. Or as MSNBC puts it in their disgusting lede: “Just in time for Valentine’s Day, a Florida judge ruled on Tuesday that a man involved in a scuffle with his wife treat her to an evening at a local bowling alley and a romantic meal at Red Lobster.”

Judge John Hurley [who also ordered that Joseph Bray, 47 and his wife Sonja, 39, get marriage counseling] handed down this ruling instead of setting bond or slapping Bray with a prison sentence after he deemed domestic violence charges leveled by Bray’s wife to be “very, very minor.”

According to Bray’s arrest affidavit, Bray and his wife got embroiled in a spat after he failed to wish her a happy birthday. Bray’s wife claims that her husband shoved her against a sofa and grabbed her neck. The judge, citing Bray’s otherwise clean record and the incident’s apparent lack of serious violence, did not consider Bray’s behavior a major offense.

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Shakesville: You Are Shitting Me. You Have to Be Shitting Me.

TW For Domestic Violence , Violence apology, and Rape at link.

Source: shakespearessister.blogspot.com

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***TW Sexual Abuse, Bullying***

If you thought the Jimmy Kimmel Christmas prank was bad (it was! it was sooooo terrible!), get a load of the cool parents at Rosemount High in Minnesota who pranked their kids by blindfolding them and then making out with them: “And these are not just innocent pecks on the lips. The parents are intimately lip-locking their children for several seconds. One even progresses to rolling around on the gym floor. In another instance, a mother moves her son’s hand south so he’s grasping her butt.”

To be clear: The kids were blindfolded. The parents were not. They knew they were kissing their kids, and they laughed uproariously as the kids were further embarrassed by being interviewed about what they thought of the kiss. “Luscious lips,” answers one young man, before it is revealed he kissed his mother. My god.

There is video at the link, which I am not going to embed here, and I was pretty skeeved out watching it (to put it mildly). It’s terrible enough that these kids were obliged into accepting “a kiss” while blindfolded in the first place, no less that they were “pranked” into kissing their own parents (some of whom might have previously sexually abused their kids). What a horror.

I quite honestly cannot begin to imagine why any parent would participate in this activity.

Now that the video is getting attention, the school has apparently apologized for the prank. Except: Schools who are made aware of the abuse of their students are obliged by law to report it. An apology is not enough. The students of Rosemount High should have some assurance that their school won’t help orchestrate their abuse. Remedial mandated reporting for everyone, please.

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Shakesville: More Parental Prankery

Holy. Fucking. Crap.

Amazing commentary: I see a pattern that these parents participating in this shit feel entitled to their children’s trust.  The fact that they believe they can do something this cruel (in either case) and then return to a loving, trusting relationship with no fallout or consequences speaks to this.  Trust is earned and maintained, even in the context of the power imbalance between parent and child.  I see an attitude in these parents that the power imbalance guarantees their children’s love, trust, and respect.

And may I add, that’s fucking reprehensible and I cannot fathom the logic involved to approve or participate in something so vile for shits and giggles.

Source: tumblr.com

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***TW Sexual Assault, Harassment***

A year and a half ago (after already being followed a couple of times before, but luckily I noticed and went into a shop until they left), a young guy tried to talk to me in the train station as I was on my home. He asked if he could talk to me and I said ‘no’ and walked away. I then got on my train. I changed twice and walked all the way through the stations, got out at my stop and walked up my little street. It was late at night and there was no one around. I was at my front gate, and was halfway through putting in my security code to open it when I felt someone close behind me. I turned and it was the guy who had tried to talk to me. I was so shocked and when I realised the lengths he’d gone to follow me, I was terrified. I called out in a very strong, firm voice to go away (not very politely!) in French and English and he just stood there and laughed at me.

I realised he was serious about this and it wasn’t just a game so I ran as fast as I could down towards the train station, but I didn’t get very far as he ran faster than me and ran in front of me, stopping me and trapping me. Then he pulled down his pants and laughed. I don’t think he expected me to run, because that’s what I did, very fast, up to my gate and I had time to put in my code and get through before he had time to pull up his pants and get there too.

I was pushing the gate closed from the inside and he was pushing it on the outside and shouting at me. I pushed it so hard and managed to close it and ran for my life up to my apartment. I was so scared to leave my flat as I knew he knew where I lived and could be waiting for me. I went into shock the next morning and was shaking and cold and scared. When I reported it to the police, they said that it is common and that as soon as they get you into the courtyard of your apartment building, they rape you as you have nowhere to go and are trapped.

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Stop Street Harassment- Working to make public places safe and welcoming for all

And this is just one more example of why whenever someone tells me that street harassment is ‘not a big deal’ and ‘you should be flattered/it was a compliment’ and all the other bullshit things people say to excuse sexual harassment I want to punch them in the face.

Source: stopstreetharassment.org

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nonplussedbyreligion:

I blogged  about the last death and the book To Train up a Child here.  I also talk about the fact that after I posted this on facebook, one of my ‘friends’ stood in support of the book!  It still blows my mind that people from my old church actually OWN this book.  ~ Kim

Preaching Virtue of Spanking, Even as Deaths Fuel Debate

PLEASANTVILLE, Tenn. — After services at the Church at Cane Creek on a recent Sunday, a few dozen families held a potluck picnic and giggling children played pin the tail on the donkey.

The white-bearded preacher, Michael Pearl, who delivered his sermon in stained work pants, and his wife, Debi, mixed warmly with the families drawn to their evangelical ministry, including some of their own grandchildren.

The pastoral mood in the hills of Tennessee offered a stark contrast to the storm raging around the country over the Pearls’ teachings on child discipline, which advocate systematic use of “the rod” to teach toddlers to submit to authority. The methods, seen as common sense by some grateful parents and as horrific by others, are modeled, Mr. Pearl is fond of saying, on “the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules.”

Debate over the Pearls’ teachings, first seen on Christian Web sites, gained new intensity after the death of a third child, all allegedly at the hands of parents who kept the Pearls’ book, “To Train Up a Child,” in their homes. On Sept. 29, the parents were charged with homicide by abuse.

More than 670,000 copies of the Pearls’ self-published book are in circulation, and it is especially popular among Christian home-schoolers, who praise it in their magazines and on their Web sites. The Pearls provide instructions on using a switch from as early as six months to discourage misbehavior and describe how to make use of implements for hitting on the arms, legs or back, including a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line that, Mr. Pearl notes, “can be rolled up and carried in your pocket.”

The furor in part reflects societal disagreements over corporal punishment, which conservative Christians say is called for in the Bible and which many Americans consider reasonable up to a point, even as many parents and pediatricians reject it. The issue flared recently when a video was posted online of a Texas judge whippinghis daughter.

Mr. Pearl, 66, and Mrs. Pearl, 60, say that blaming their book for extreme abuse by a few unstable parents is preposterous and that they explicitly counsel against acting in anger or causing a bruise. They say that their methods, properly used, yield peace and happy teenagers.

“If you find a 12-step book in an alcoholic’s house, you wouldn’t blame the book,” Mr. Pearl said in an interview.

But he acknowledged that the methods are not right for out-of-control or severely overburdened parents.

In the latest case, Larry and Carri Williams of Sedro-Woolley, Wash., were home-schooling their six children when they adopted a girl and a boy, ages 11 and 7, from Ethiopia in 2008. The two were seen by their new parents as rebellious, according to friends.

Late one night in May this year, the adopted girl, Hana, was found face down, naked and emaciated in the backyard; her death was caused by hypothermia and malnutrition, officials determined. According to the sheriff’s report, the parents had deprived her of food for days at a time and had made her sleep in a cold barn or a closet and shower outside with a hose. And they often whipped her, leaving marks on her legs. The mother had praised the Pearls’ book and given a copy to a friend, the sheriff’s report said. Hana had been beaten the day of her death, the report said, with the 15-inch plastic tube recommended by Mr. Pearl.

“It’s a good spanking instrument,” Mr. Pearl said in the interview. “It’s too light to cause damage to the muscle or the bone.”

Some of the Williamses’ other tactics also seemed to involve Pearl advice taken to extremes; the Pearls say that “a little fasting is good training,” for example, and suggest hosing off a child who has potty-training lapses. The Williamses have pleaded not guilty and are awaiting trial.

The Skagit County prosecutor said that he was not charging the Pearls and that the case for homicide did not depend on the Williamses’ readings or religion.

But Dr. Frances Chalmers, a pediatrician who examined Hana’s death for the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services, said of the Pearl methods: “My fear is that this book, while perhaps well intended, could easily be misinterpreted and could lead to what I consider significant abuse.”

The same kind of plumbing tube was reported to have been used to beat Lydia Schatz, 7, who was adopted at age 4 from Liberia and died in Paradise, Calif., in 2010. Her parents, Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz, had the Pearl book but ignored its admonition against extended lashing or harm; they whipped Lydia for hours, with pauses for prayer. She died from severe tissue damage, and her older sister had to be hospitalized, officials said.

The Schatzes, who were home-schooling nine children, three of them adopted, are both serving long prison terms after he pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and torture and she to voluntary manslaughter and unlawful corporal punishment. The Butte County district attorney, Mike Ramsey, criticized the Pearls’ book as a dangerous influence.

Isolde Raftery contributed reporting from Seattle.

The Pearls’ teachings also came up in the trial of Lynn Paddock of Johnson County, N.C., who was convicted of the first-degree murder of Sean Paddock, 4, in 2006. The Paddocks had adopted six American children, some with emotional problems, and turned to the Internet and found the Pearls’ Web site, Mrs. Paddock said. Sean suffocated after being wrapped tightly in a blanket. His siblings testified that they were beaten daily with the same plumbing tube. Mr. Paddock was not charged.

Some conservative Christian parents reject the Pearls’ teachings and have started apetition drive asking sellers like Amazon not to stock their books.

Crystal Lutton, who runs Grace-Based Discipline, one of several Christian blogs that oppose corporal punishment, said the danger with the Pearls’ methods is that “if you don’t get results, the only thing to do is to punish harder and harder.”

Parents at Mr. Pearl’s church said they largely followed the couple’s approach and were puzzled by the controversy. The Pearls’ children, too, say the attacks on their parents are misguided.

“I had a wonderful childhood,” said their daughter Shoshanna Easling, 28, who is training her two children the same way. “My parents never spoke to me in anger, and I can only remember being spanked a couple of times.”

Mr. Pearl said that Shoshanna was spanked probably 50 times as a toddler but that it soon became unnecessary.

Through book and video sales and donations, the Pearls’ No Greater Joy Ministriesbrings in $1.7 million a year, which they say goes back into the cause. They live in a one-room apartment near the church. In his spare time, Mr. Pearl practices an offbeat hobby: he is a champion knife and tomahawk thrower.

Much of their advice is standard: parents should be loving, spend a lot of time with their children, be clear and consistent, and never strike in anger. But, citing Biblical passages like, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son,” they provide instructions for “switching” defiant children to provide “spiritual cleansing.”

They teach parents to use light taps to train infants not to roll off a blanket. For older children, parents are told to respond to defiance by hitting hard enough to sting with a willow switch, a belt, a wooden spoon or the tube.

Mr. Pearl describes child-rearing as a zero-sum test of wills. If a verbal warning does not work, he said, “you have the seeds of self-destruction.”

That the three known deaths involved adoptees worries Lisa Veleff Day of Portland, Me., who adopted two children from Ethiopia. “These children have been ripped from their home country, extended family, culture and language,” she said. “The last thing they need is to be smacked around.”

Mr. Pearl said he opposed the adoption of older children. But on the central issue, he and his wife do not waver. “To give up the use of the rod is to give up our views of human nature, God, eternity,” they write.

Isolde Raftery contributed reporting from Seattle.

See also: This article by a woman who actually ‘parented’ using Pearl’s teachings until she saw how the abuse was hurting her children. TW for child abuse  Quote from the story: ” Eventually, there was immediate and unquestioning compliance. My ex-husband had quelled the rebellion in three kids. He had created unfocused, freaked-out little robots who obeyed. ”  

(via nonplussedbyreligion-deactivate)

Source: The New York Times

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I was careful in all the ways they tell you to be, to make it difficult to find my house, for example, and most of the rape threats, and the death threats, the casual verbal abuse from people who disagreed with my stances on subjects like rape being bad and abortion being a personal matter, weren’t really that threatening in that they didn’t pose a personal danger to me, and I was rarely concerned for my safety. That wasn’t the point, though, which is what I told a friend when she got her first rape threat and called me, sobbing. I wished she’d been spared that particular blogging rite of passage, but unfortunately she hadn’t been.

‘They want you to shut up,’ I explained. ‘That’s the point of a rape threat. They want to silence you. They want you to shrink down very small inside a box where you think they can’t find you.’


And it works. I see it happening all the time; blogs go dark, or disappear entirely, or stop covering certain subjects. People hop pseudonyms and addresses, trusting that regular readers can find and follow them, trying to stay one step ahead. Very few people openly discuss it because they feel like it’s feeding the trolls, giving them the attention they want. Some prominent bloggers and members of the tech community have been bold enough; Kathy Sierra, for example, spoke out about the threats that made her afraid to leave her own home. She’s not the only blogger who’s been presented not just with vicious, hateful verbal abuse, but very real evidence that people want to physically hurt her, a double-edged silencing tactic, a sustained campaign of terrorism that is, often, highly effective.

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Source: tigerbeatdown.com