As some of you may know a harassment campaign is being waged against me because of my Tropes vs Women in Video Games project on Kickstarter. This coordinated attack was launched by various online video game forums and has included attempts to get my…
about the vast amount of things I’m reading today, they are as follows:
If I have time, AKA Other things you lovely people may be somewhat interested in:
And there you have it.
This past Thursday, a group of men started cat-calling/hitting on a group of women in Chicago. When the women said, no, the men threw bottles and then SHOT at their car as they tried to drive away. One woman was shot in the shoulder, and the driver took a bottle in the head as she tried to drive off. Last month in Washington, DC a Transwoman was shot for turning down a man’s request for sex as she sat in her car. In August a woman in Atlanta was shot for refusing to get in a car with a group of men. In May of 2010 a young woman was shot in the leg for turning down a man’s advances.
Ok, so that was one googling, which also yielded an article on a woman in Australia who was shot in the thigh after refusing to perform oral sex. Many people will claim that these are just “isolated” incidents. But three of those took place in the last two, two and a half months. That’s not really isolated, in fact, that sounds distinctly like a pattern.
When guys complain about women not giving them a straight answer, this is why. Granted, these are fairly extreme. However, on a regular basis women who turn down men, no matter how nicely, are insulted, yelled at, spit on, hit, kicked and knocked to the ground. Most of these assaults go unreported because women know that the police aren’t going to take them seriously, particularly if they’re dressed at all nicely or “sexy.”
This is why the Schrodinger’s Rapist post resonated with so many women.
“Why are you afraid of women?” I asked a group of men.
“We’re afraid they’ll laugh at us,” replied the men.
“Why are you afraid of men?” I asked a group of women
“We’re afraid they’ll kill us,” replied the woman. -Margaret Atwood
When men ignore our boundaries, try to push or test them, we rightfully feel that they are a bigger risk for pushing even more important, dangerous boundaries, like say, raping or hitting you.
Yeah, I know, a lot of you are out there (if you’ve gotten this far) thinking, “That’s bullshit! I’d never do that!” And maybe you wouldn’t, but we can’t take that chance. And when you push boundaries or ignore our “No”s, even about small things, this puts you higher and higher up on the risk scale.
We can’t take those chances because when we’re raped or assaulted it’s always our fault. Everyone tells us so. Every single person who says, “I’d never blame the victim, but if you’re wearing a short skirt, what do you expect?” Every fucking magazine with their “Ten Things You Can Do to Not Be Raped” articles, that place all the onus on women, and none of it on, oh, the rapists.
How do you not scare women?
Respect their boundaries. Take no at face value. As a commenter said over on Pharyngula, you have nothing to lose: If she meant no, you’ve respected her wishes. If she meant “pursue me harder” or whatever bullshit, then bullet dodged. You don’t want to deal with that kind of mind-game playing, anyway.
But in all seriousness, guys, if you ever wonder why women act like their scared of you, read the above links again.
this is basically why i never never make eye contact with men here , why i ignore them always even when they are being nice and why i will never go back to Dagabon ever ….
Yup. No matter how indignant all the Nice GuysTM get about women’s fear of men, the fundamental truth is that we live our entire lives on the defensive because there’s an ever-present danger of rape or assault.
(via bluntlyblue)Source: gabrielleabelle
When my confident, curious, adventurous 12-year-old daughter asked if she could go get ice cream by herself (we live in a city) the first thing that I thought of was how to prepare her to hear:
“Where’s my smile, baby?”
“Wanna go for a ride?”
What if she is surprised? Looks down? Doesn’t give the guy speaking to her the positive response that he seems to think he’s entitled to? What hurtful, explicit things will he then say to put her in her place?
From now on, she’ll have to be on alert. How many times will she have to go out of her way, take longer routes, not go certain places, alter her clothes? Not forget to hold her keys poking through her fingers? Not take certain buses, and pay for a cab instead of taking a metro? Take her lighthearted moods and tuck them away behind earphones and fake phone conversations?
How will it make my daughter feel? Powerless? Angry? Sad? Scared? It’s stressful and depressing to have to acknowledge the underlying threat of violence, especially in a culture that is dedicated to equality for all, a concept predicated on equal and safe access to public space and free speech. Her loss of innocence will have as much to do with the betrayal of this myth of equality and equal access as with understanding her physical vulnerability."
Steven Greenstreet is the dude behind the Hot Chicks of Occupy Wall Street tumblr and video. That video has gotten a lot of attention — a lot of women and some dudes have been like “well this is fucked up,” and then some other dudes have been like “I don’t see what the big deal is, boys will be boys and what’s wrong with wanting to meet attractive women at a protest?”
And like I said in my initial post, the deflecting from legitimate concerns, and the fact that the OWS “public” includes a lot of men who think it’s ok to treat women at a protest like we’re there for their visual fulfillment, troubles me. No one is saying, “Don’t find women attractive.” I actually like hot chicks too! No one is saying “Don’t meet hot people at a protest.” People meet people in all kinds of social settings, and that’s great. I met a past boyfriend at a liberal blog conference. Meet away, I say. No one is objecting to dating or hooking up or meeting women or meeting men. No one is objecting to the fact that straight men are attracted to some women (fun fact: straight women are also attracted to some men! So really, no one is pissed about attraction, I promise). What people are pissed about is what Rebecca Traister says:
The larger, simpler argument, outside of consent or permission, is: This video is sexist. It’s an example of women participating in public life — political, professional, social — and having their participation reduced to sexual objectification. That’s what happened here, nothing more, nothing less."
Read the whole, very good, article.
There have been a lot of posts on my Tumblr dashboard about street harassment and about men who won’t leave women alone, men who feel women owe them time and attention. I am reminded of something that happened a few years ago, and how empowering that experience was.
But it was an experience that should not have happened at all.
A few years ago, my mother died. She died during a bitterly cold winter. Once the paperwork was finished and the memorial was over, I took a trip to Hawaii. I know that sounds crazy. But I needed some sunshine. I’d been to Hawaii once before and it’d been one of the happiest times of my life.
One warm afternoon, I sat on my towel on Waikiki Beach. (Rather far from the water, as I was under the shade of a tree.) I was surrounded by other beach goers, mainly frolicking families. I was wearing a black one-piece bathing suit and a sarong — I was dressed awfully modestly for the beach. I was reading a book. The only unusual thing, I guess, was that I was alone.
A man walked by, stopped, and asked how I was. “Fine!” I said and then went back to my book. The man kept walking.
Sometime later (not sure if it was just a few minutes later or longer than that), the man walked back. He asked, “Can I sit with you? I’d like to talk to you.”
I looked up at him and said, “No, thank you. I’m happy being alone.” He continued walking and did not return.
I was and am proud of myself for telling him no. Especially for this reason: On my first trip to Hawaii, on the same beach, a man had grabbed my hand and tried to convince me to “act like a husband and wife” with him. Instead of shouting or saying NO or anything, I politely tried to get rid of him and wound up pulling out my phone and fake-dialing, which finally got rid of him. I’d felt like it was my fault because I was alone and it was dusk.
I am angry with both men. I mean, the one on my first trip, especially, he had no right to grab me. But the second man, too — he was friendly and everything but I was clearly reading a book, why should he presume I’d want him to sit with me? There was nothing about my demeanor that suggested I wanted company. I can’t imagine walking up to some guy or girl, reading on the beach, and asking if I could sit with them. (Even as I write this, I worry that someone will think I’m a bitch and that he was just being a nice guy. Well la-di-dah, I guess.)
So. I am proud that I was able to speak up for myself and be left alone. But I am angry that this is something I should be proud about.
****TW SEXUAL HARASSMENT****
It is hard to envision a school without sexual harassment. However, if one existed, I imagine it would be a place where kids can excel as students instead of having to worry about what is going to be said or done to them the next time they go in the hallway. -Kai, youth organizer Page 103
It is hard to envision such school, indeed:
Out of the students surveyed, 71 percent reported hearing sexual teasing, jokes, or remarks at their schools. Touching, pinching, or brushing against someone sexually and on purpose was reported by 63 percent of students and 60 percent had seen sexually suggestive looks, gestures, or body language. This is followed by whistles, calls, hoots, or yells of a sexual nature 46 percent ; leaning over or cornering a person 39 percent ; letters, phone calls, or Internet communication 34 percent ; pressure for sex or sexual activity 31 percent ; sexually explicit pictures or music on an electronic device 23 percent ; pressure for dates 18 percent ; and forced sexual activity 10 percent . Further analysis by gender showed that girls were slightly more likely than boys to report that “sexual teasing, jokes, or remarks” and “sexually suggestive looks, gestures, or body language” occurred in their schools. Page 121
When asked about who these young people believed to be the targets of sexual harassment, the responses showed that it happened to students regardless of gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation. As youth organizer Nefertiti explains:
I can barely breathe. I stop to catch my breath. Just take a pause, a beat, a rest. I cannot believe I am going through it because of a word I heard. As I walk through the halls, someone calls me by “NAME.” Someone calls me by my shame. Curls their mouth to call me out. Twists up their lips in a distinct and distant shout of the word I can barely say the word “FAGGOT!” Before I even knew what gay was, somebody managed to find something to say about my limp wrists and effeminate lisp. So long as I am in this skin and my feelings toward men are still a sin, they will forever have it in for me as long as that word still exists to oppress me at my best and suppress my self-expression. Denied the support of teachers and faculty who tell me, sell me, some lines about how sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. Words have always hurt me. Page 122
I can’t help but go back to my school years. Sexual harassment is just par for the course in most schools, it’s everyday, every moment, every grade, every class. I have lots of friends who are teachers, I hear their stories, how several middle school boys groped a girl in a stairwell between classes, how words like ‘bitch’, ‘cunt’, ‘pussy’ are shouted down hallways. It’s all a little sickening. Why are we not teaching our children to respect eachother?
I mean, look at the state of politics and how we are attacking women (and people with uteri), lgbtq individuals, the poor, immigrants and basically anyone who isn’t white and cismale. How, in this climate, can we possibly expect children to treat each other with anything like respect/kindness?
If you don’t like that Idea, I don’t care.